Thursday, July 14, 2011

Casino Royale With Cheese

How come no one is happy in a casino? The commercials would make you think that it was a knee-slapping good time but it turns out to be more of a hooker-stabbing good time. Which is good but there's a lot of baggage that comes with it. Don't get me wrong, being in a casino is exciting. What with all the lights and sounds and money, you feel pretty important just being there but then you look at the other people there and you suddenly don't feel important. You feel alarmed because you are worried that whatever happened to them to steal their soul is just about to happen to you if you don't keep your guard up. Whenever I've been to a casino (twice, read: expert) no one seems happy. No one even TALKS to each other. They have developed systems so that you don't even need to talk to the dealer. And if you don't know what you are doing then forget about it. There are no tutorials; no friendly people you can talk to to explain all the rules of all the games. You really need a casino sherpa/life coach to show you the ropes until you have it all figured out. And then you can be just like all the other miserable people in the building. I guess no one likes losing money but seriously everyone looks fucking depressed. And it's a big buzzkill because you see all the lights and hear all the sounds and then you look into someones eyes and visions of burning crosses and swastikas fill your mind. It's like watching House of 1000 Corpses on mute and playing Britney Spears at the same time. Your mind doesn't know if it should be happy, horrified or horny (hopefully it's obvious which ones correspond to Britney).
Maybe that's just the theme of casinos in general: it seems like there is hope all around you but in reality it's just the stench of human misery. But, of course, you're not miserable if you win right? Just one more bet. Juuuuuusssstttt one mooooore bet. Just a tinsy weensy little bet.

I'm going to make a casino where everyone wins and is always happy and it doesn't feel like the 7th layer of the Inferno. I'm sure this idea will be good. I just need to get some money to start off, better hit up the casino!

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