Saturday, December 12, 2009

Young, hip, connected

If they are young then they probably know everything there is to know about technology.
This is just a fact of life. The younger someone is, the more likely they are to have an insider's knowledge about the complex, mechanistic world of the future. We assume that children are raised in the strict, yet logical world of binary that fosters a sixth sense for all things electronic. Like Robert Redford, they whisper to the machines and the machines whisper back in kind with all the sordid details of their lives. The machines spout useful information at the mere mention of a young person's name.
The young are in synch with the tech. We should all bow down and submit ourselves, or just simply click "submit".

Why do we do this? Why do we assume that our more youthful have an untapped resource into the minds of the machines? Maybe it was first caused when they had typewriting lessons in schools that caused us to assume that we were training our children to be more technologically savvy. Or maybe it was when we first introduced the pencil in a quill-dominated society. Or perhaps it was the introduction of written language over oral repetition. Whatever the first cause, it is now a fad that has been ingrained in our psyches.

I do not take offense to this. I welcome anyone assuming I know something about anything. However, I do not welcome their inevitable disappointment once they hear me talk about the subject in question. This case, however, is different. This case revolves around things that I can still bull-shit my way through. I can still drop a few acronyms to confuse people into blind submission and "thoughtful" head-nodding. But it will only take me so far.
It is only a matter of time before those that are younger than myself expose me for the fraud that I am. All it will take is someone who is a few minutes younger than me to bring to light the horrible truth that there is yet another thing that I am completely in the dark about. And they will expose me withiout mercy. They will display my shame for the whole world to see. And all there will be left is a shattered man who became defragmented when his hardware became corrupted by time.

Saturday, December 5, 2009

Belly Dancing Tips

Do Not:
1. Be fat
2. Be skinny
3. Shake your money taker
4. Dance to Dillinger Escape Plan
5. Stab out the eyes of a patron
6. Eat a patron's eyes
8. Sprout wings and fly out of a window into the night

1. Be just right
2. Shake your money maker
3. Dance to RuPaul
4. Be human

Family Guy Porn

You ever notice how things in the beginning are shitty but then they get better as they go on? I am talking about, like, when a band gets together and they record an album in their friend's basement and it sounds like complete shit. Then you go see them live and they sound like a polar bear being given a bad handjob during a leaf game. Then you're all like, "These guys suck donkey balls". BUT, friggen two years later, once the band has had time to "practice", they are super amazing. But then every pretentious asshole is all, "I like their old stuff better" even though you both know full fucking well that it was worse than meeting RuPaul in a public bathroom in a bad neighbourhood in San Fransisco.
You know when that happens? Well, I hope that myself/this blog/the world becomes like that.
It'll go from making noise as it breaks into the quiet house and being forced to kill the husband on the stairs to noiselessly entering the home and slashing the husband's throat as he sleeps so that you are free to do what you will with the wife.